It's just getting better

Christ, so now the office people changed the half day policy from "work 4 hours from the time you got in the office" to "work until 1 and we're buying everyone lunch." Let me tell you what you can do with your MFing lunch. I got here at 8:15 so I could leave at 12:15. Now I have to stay an extra 45 minutes??? Shit man! I could have already gotten to that mall by then. Holy crap, I will definitely have to get the vegetarian lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's later to reward myself for being so patient. After that I will definitely be ready for my nap!

Happy New Year

I suspect many people are not working today. Well, I hope those people are enjoying themselves! I'm at the office. I tried to be good last night by going to bed at 10:30. That's early enough, right? But then I wake up at 3 and can't go back to sleep, and as I'm finally falling back asleep at around 5:40, my power goes out! When it comes back on a few minutes later, the light on my ceiling fan clicks on and it's super bright in my room all of a sudden. FYI--Bright light is not conducive to sleeping, at least it isn't for me. So after I re-set my clock so I can wake up bright and early to be all productive on my crappy half-day, I fall asleep again around 6:15. And let me tell you it was a DEEP sleep, I was having all kinds of crazy dreams! And at 7am my alarm goes off to wake me up. NOT HAPPY.

Sidebar--why the hell am I in the office for a "half day" on December 31? Are the people in my office delusional? Are they really that greedy to think that I'm going to make them a fortune in 4 hours? Fuck that. I am too tired to even keep my eyes open at this point. I plan on trying to stay awake until 12:30, and then getting out of here to go home and nap, after I take my new suit to Banana for alterations.

So, since I had to come in today, I made a plan: go to Starbucks, download music, think about doing work, then leave. I made it to Starbucks and was ready to treat myself to a cranberry bliss bar (they are delicious, and since my diet starts tomorrow it wasn't that big of a deal), but they were out. That was a huge disappointment. I had to have a cranberry orange muffin instead, and only ate the top because, let's face it, that's the best part. Then walking back to the office I smell the stench of urine. Really disgusting, and I don't normally smell that downtown anymore. SO then it hits me, the sanitation employees of the city get the day off, and I have to work????? I'm not going to try and hide it, I'm an elitist. I shouldn't have to work it they don't. Ok, I said it. I'm mad.

If I don't sleep today there is no way I'm going to make it to Midnight. And why do I have to go out anyway? Annoying.

Political commentary update

Ok, remember last week when I was talking smack about Mike Huckabee, and the fact that his name is soooooo UNpresidential, and his family is not so much eye candy as voter-repellent? Well I found a pic of the fam and I thought people would enjoy seeing it to really understand what I was talking about.

Now, are stripes slimming, or do they just make you look like an overweight mattress (the old-timey ones that have blue stripes or the ones you have to use at sleep away camp)? I'm going to write the Huckabee campaign and suggest they issue another picture and in the new picture everyone should wear black, or just take a picture of the dog and send that one out instead. Either suggestion would be better than Exhibit A (the pic above). Right?

And the dog looks like it's trying to escape from being eaten by the family. But seriously, the family would need to eat like 25 dogs to satisfy the appetites of those two boys.

*I know I'm so mean, but that's really what everyone is thinking, don't say you aren't!

December 26, 2007

Oh crap, I think I broke my dictation machine. That is going to create a slight problem for me since I like to use the machine so I don't have to type. Someone does that for me. And today especially, I really don't want to type because I don't even want to work. In fact, I've already started thinking about when I can get out of here. I'm leaving at maybe 4. Gotta hit up the sales at Niemans and Saks. I don't care about the crowds and parking. I need to buy expensive clothing on sale, for reals , yo.

Update--the dictation machine just needed new batteries. Thank you Jesus!

Political commentary

I don't pay that much attention to the people running for president. But, now that I get up at the crack of dawn every day (it's usually still dark outside, not even dawn yet), I always catch the first half hour of the Today Show (my absolute favorite morning show. I miss Katie. Meredith is starting to grow on me. I love Matt, but I wish he wouldn't interrupt the people he's interviewing when he does "serious" interviews). For those of you that don't know, the first half hour of the Today Show is all "real news," no fluff, they save that for after 7:45am.

OK, so Mike Huckabee, Arkansas' Governor is running for president. And everyone is making a big deal out of the fact that he's a Baptist, although that's not as bad as being a polygamist Mormon. And he's making inappropriate comments jokes about Mitt Romney's religion. I have no idea what someone's religion has to do with the way they run a country. The only thing I really think is that the President should pray a lot because there is a hell of a lot of shit they can fuck up as President, like start a war for no good reason and waste billions of dollars. So, I probably wouldn't vote for an atheist. Anyway, the candidates for president are making such a big deal about what religion each of them are, and it's really stupid.

Religion alienates people, it doesn't bring them together. So when Huckabee puts these commercials together and says "what really matters [this time of year] is the celebration of the birth of Christ" WTF???? Seriously Mike Huckabee, not that I would vote for you anyway. But if I was a conservative, that comment would be a deal-breaker. I think he's lost him mind, for reals yo.

Secondly, Huckabee is not a presidenty sounding name. It sounds like a character's name from a Mark Twain novel. Huckabee doesn't command respect. You gotta have a presidenty sound name to be president. And lastly, his family is ugs. They were not blessed in the looks department. His sons are not just ugly, but fat too. Hide them. Don't show them to people before you get elected. That would be my advice to Mike if I were his campaign manager. But, I would never tell him directly. I'd make someone else tell him so they would get fired and I wouldn't. I'm smart like that.

Social life update

So, I had a date with the cute guy from the party on Saturday. It went really well. Actually I can't stop thinking about him. I like him. He's got spunk. He's not boring. He's smart. He's funny. All good qualities. He asked when he's going to see me again. I told him this weekend. I hope it happens. Maybe he'll call me tonight. (Smile)

*the current dating situation is not normal for Curlatini. But she does deserve to receive attention from a nice guy due to the fact that her dating life has been in a total drought for the past 4 years, which is , coincidentally, when she moved back to Florida from an amazing city which may or may not be Washington D.C. Not that the drought has anything to do with the men in Florida, but we all know it really does.

This is the last time I'm going to say it!

Seriously people. Do not go out drinking on a school night if you have no willpower. You will end up staying up WAY too late. And the next day at work you will look at the clock every 15 minutes, check your e-mail every 5, and continue to wish that you could just go home and not sit at your desk. Also, you might not be able to sit still for some reason. Can't figure that last one out. Of course, as always, this is just hypothetical talk/advice. Curlatini never goes out on a school night. She is a good girl and in no way still acts like she is 21 at times. Although she very seldom acts her age.

On the odd chance that you do go out on a school night, make sure not to wash your face when you get home so that you can skip the makeup routine then next morning. This move is guaranteed to save you 30 minutes. For reals, yo. I will make sure to wash my face tonight, I promise.

That sucks

This weekend the Stuck on the Palmetto blog shut down for good. Now I'm not exactly clear on the details as to why it shut down. But I do know that there was some type of "blog fight" and someone threatened to "out" one of the SOTP guys, and that kind of sucks. Some people write these blogs hoping to have a little anonymity(at least until the book comes out). And some people are VERY honest with their readers, therefore maintaining a pen name is important. So this post is disguised as a warning to my readers to NOT expose who I am. Thanks!

Comfortable

Ok, you know when you start a new job and everything is weird, because it's all new. New people, new building, new commute, getting used to everything takes a while. By now I've been at the new job for 6 weeks and I'm starting to feel comfortable, making friends, talking to people, getting to know everyone. It's kind of nice.

Working at 50%

Note to all people who throw holiday parties--Don't throw your parties on a weeknight! People have to go to work the next day, and if they are kind of hungover the work they do the next day is crap. Not that this has ever happened to me or is happening to me today.

But really, our holiday party was last night and I cannot even think straight right now. I tried to type an e-mail this morning and it took forever to write because my fingers were not flying over the keyboard as fast as they normally do, they were kind of stumbling. And, my billables today suck because, well I can't think straight to get any work done, and I'm kind of socializing more than I usually do with my fellow attorneys, which is good because I was wondering if I would be friendly with the people I work with and now I know that I will be. So, go Curlatini for making friends

Seriously though, it's almost 5pm and I don't feel great. I am getting old, I need to stop acting like I am 19 one of these days.

Oh, and guess who left me a message last night while I was getting drunk socializing with co-workers and friends at the party? The cute guy from last weekend! He wants to take me out! This weekend!

OK, I gotta go drink some wine to get rid of my hangover.

Guess who's getting deposed?

ME! I got the subpoena in the mail today. But I'm fine with it. Kind of excited actually. This is going to be fun for me, but for the attorney who set the deposition, it will probably be the hardest deposition they've ever taken. Attorneys are horrible witnesses, they like to fuck with people. Can't wait!

Christmas party distraction

So tonight is the office Christmas party and people in my office are not doing work because they are busy getting their hair done in their offices and their nails done in the salon downstairs. Now, my question is: am I supposed to make a big deal out of this party? I wore a cute dress to work, my nails are done, and come on people--my hair pretty much always looks good! Even if I'm having a bad hair day, no one notices but me. And today is a good hair day, so just use your imagination. And this morning I was too busy working to try to meet a deadline and then on a long boring conference call to get caught up in all that crap.

And, you know what else? My new boss is starting to send me to court. The other attorneys said it would never happen, but next week I have a hearing in Broward and another in West Palm. Then mediation in my guardianship case, which is scheduled for 9:30a.m.. I wish it was in the afternoon, because after it fails after about an hour, I could just go home and do something more enjoyable than work.

FYI--I issued a report in the guardianship case that is not favorable to one party and the person's attorney called me to "discuss" my report. The attorney was totally confusing the situation, mixing one comment I had made with another, even though the comments were made in totally different contexts and had nothing to do with the other. The attorney is kind of scary, says she's going to take my deposition, trying to intimidate me. And then she starts filing these motions and I read them and realize how stupid she is. She has no clue how to write. And just as she was confusing my comments and trying to make me see that her client is not really a scumbag, she did the same thing with her writing--Attempting to blend one argument with another that has no logical relationship in order to be "convincing." She sucks, end of story. So try to intimidate me you dumb, loud, bitch because now that I really know what an idiot you are, I will just be entertained when you try to get all "lawyery" on me and laugh.

But, I did run into her in the grocery store on Monday after I had just finished working out. I was incognito because I was in my gym clothes and didn't have any makeup on. So, she didn't know it was me and just so she didn't have another opportunity to possibly think it was me, I made a sharp right turn into the organic food isle and stayed there until I though the coast was clear. So, ha, take that! You can't intimidate me because I'll hide from you! They don't teach stuff like that in law school people. That's real world on-the-job training. Priceless!

End of year review

My end of year review is tomorrow for a job I've only been working at for 5.5 weeks. Anyone want to take a guess at how long it will last? My guess is 15 minutes. And we're getting bonuses then too. How much? $250? $500? Not that I'm in a desperate need for cash right now, but just curious. Meanwhile, I am looking at how much work I have to do over the next week and I want to crawl under my desk and hide. Maybe I got the migraine from stress and not from drinking excess quantities of alcohol.

Great weekend

Ok, I don't say this too much, but I had a great weekend. So great in fact that I didn't go to work yesterday.

Friday night--family Hanukkah party. Which, wasn't that "fun" per se, but it's nice to see the fam every so often.

Saturday--worked out early. Noticed that there were a lot of hot guys at the gym if earlier in the day as opposed to 3 or 4 when I normally go. *Note to self--do not sit around every Saturday and watch pointless TV until Noon or later. Go to gym immediately after waking up to meet and talk to cute guys.

After the gym my sister came up north for a little holiday shopping and snacks at P.F. Chang's (YUM!). Several hours later my holiday shopping was done. Now I just have to wrap presents (which I HATE to do).

Sat night--Party at newly married friend's house. Spoke to her earlier in the day, wanting to confirm that I was indeed going to the party by myself (I was really not looking forward to going alone, I hate to do it and it makes me feel crappy because usually everyone else has a boyfriend, husband, etc.). So, as I was driving to the party, I was not in the best of moods, and really didn't feel like going at all. But, I went because I wasted to visit with my friend and see her new place. Once I arrive she tells me immediately that there is a cute single guy there. At that point, the crappy feeling I had been experiencing while traveling to said party disappears and I'm kind of happy that the guy I'm dating (and annoyed with because he is too busy to talk to me when preparing for a big trial) is not there. I meet the afore-mentioned cute single guy and proceed to talk to him for the rest of the evening. I gave him my number, maybe he'll actually call.

Sunday--wake up aith a headache from Sat night Christmas party, possibly because I drank too much wine, but also ate nothing because I was talking to the cute guy and I try not to stuff my face in situations like that. So after taking 3 Tylenol/Advil/generic pain-relievers I feel better. Oh, I forgot to mention that I had to get up early to meet up with my sister and her friend to go on some guy's new speedy boat. Once we got on the boat, I felt better and was having a great time, which incidentally, led to my not being able to work on Monday.

The boat captain decided to take us to the sandbar at Eliott Key where we proceeded to drink beer upon beer upon beer. Really, I cannot remember another time in my life when I was such a fiend for beer. And then came the rum and coke. And then I went to dinner with my sister and drank sake. After I got home I jumped in the shower and fell into bed with soaking wet hair (I never do that, I must have been totally exhausted and passing out from beer drinking and other festivities earlier in the day). I woke up at 4 a.m. with a headache like I've never had before. I took 5 Tylenol/Advil/generic pain-relievers and tried to fall back asleep and not feel my head throbbing. It was at that time that I decided there was no way I could work on Monday. So, I woke up at 6:30a.m., and left a message for my secretary explaining that I had a terrible migraine and wouldn't be making it in. I really did, it wasn't a lie! When I finally woke up at 11:30a.m. (can't remember sleeping that late in at least 5 years) I felt better.

To make up for it, I came into work at 7:30 this morning and have been working feverishly until I decided to take a break and post this review of my weekend. Now, I feel like my week is almost over. The office Christmas party is tomorrow, meeting a friend for lunch on Thursday, attorney lunch meeting on Friday and then the weekend again. I need to schedule more social activities during the week, then maybe my work weeks will always go this fast and I won't hate working as much.

Old job talk

So, I was talking to someone from my old office and got an update on the poor guy who they hired to replace me. It seems as though he's already been fired once, but then after he was fired, showed up for work again the next day and cockface didn't have the balls to fire him again. He also called in sick the first week. Come on, was he really that "sick" or already sick of working there. Also I hear he has a problem actually spending time in the office, and he's just wierd in general.

You know, at first I was kind of puzzled, and maybe kind of hurt when the old office found someone to replace me so soon. And now I know, he's a pathetic wierdo that probably causes them even more grief than I did. Smile.

Oh, and my friend from the old office promises she will tell me more stories about the new guy at my new firm's christmas party next week. Nice.

And, sorry but I can't find the mean e-mail Cockface wrote to me, but for the sake of brevity I will tell you what went down. It was the week before Labor Day and I had plans to go to Key West. I e-mailed my boss and asked for Friday off so I could leave for key west early. He wrote me a looooong e-mail back telling me how much I suck, lack attention to detail, and if my work doesn't improve he needs to replace me. He also says that he was thinking of asking me to work this weekend (I'm sure he wasn't, but he wants to throw that in). Oh yes, and the best part was he told me that I had chosen the wrong profession. And that's only because he hadn't gotten into a fight with me before, but if he had he would have realized that there's something that takes over my body when I get mad. Oh yes, I think they call it adrenaline. And after the adrenaline hits, I am a fighting machine on auto pilot. Some people reading this might actually have witnesses this, and if I scared you, I'm sorry.

So, cockface conveniently wasn't in the office that day, so I couldn't really talk to him about this. If he was in the office, I would have asked him in person and there's no way he would have responded to me like he did in the e-mail. I guess it's just easier to be an asshole over the internet.

Here's my response, which was professional and way more toned down than my original response, which was going to be: fuck you, you bald, ugly, alcoholic. I know you are a miserable person because your wife is a total bitch that looks like Droopy the Dog and you have to stay married to her for the rest of your horrible life. The only reason your ego is so big is because you have to overcompensate for your small penis.

Here's what I wrote him:
____________________________________________________________


Cockface,

I realize from this e-mail that you are extremely frustrated with me and I apologize for my mistakes. If you talk to me about problems you have with me when they occur, it might be easier for me to be more cognizant of the problem and correct it immediately, rather than waiting for an e-mail like today's that insults me and threatens my employment here.

I have been letting some personal issues distract me lately. I am sorry. I am willing to work harder on that so that my concentration is more focused. However, I also have some frustrations with this office that may have consequently affected the way I work too. Mainly, the way I am spoken to sometimes is extremely offensive to me. I have only been practicing law for a year. You knew when you hired me that I was fresh out of law school. I don't know everything; I need to have things explained to me sometimes, and I need more direction and guidance. I would like to feel free to come to you and ask you questions so I do not repeat any rookie mistakes. The only problem is when spoken to in a condescending manner, it doesn't encourage me to do better or teach me anything.

Before I started working here we all went to lunch at the Tower Club and I told you that I needed time from you, i.e. mentorship to enable me to become a good attorney. While I have learned a lot from working here, I have not had as much "time" as I was looking for. You and Ilene are very busy, I understand that, constantly on the phone, returning e-mails, etc. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable approaching you because your door is closed or you ignore me when we're in the office. Maybe I need to make it more clear when I have a question or need guidance.

Things have really picked up this week, but in the weeks preceding this one it has been a little slow. You have even told me your practice has never been so slow. If you are feeling overwhelmed with work right now, then give me more and I will do it to the best of my ability. Or if you prefer I come to you when I need more to work on, I can do that as well.

I agree that things need to change. I will do better, but do you think you could be conscious of the issues I've raised? If I can raise the bar on my work and we can straighten things out then that would be great. We can continue this conversation tomorrow if you like, but I do not think that further e-mail exchanges would be productive at this point. I would prefer talking to you in person.
_________________________________________________________________

That was good, right? Seriously, did he really think he was going to talk to me like that and not get a response? Don't forget, I'm an attorney and I like to fight.

Bad Kissers

There has been a lot of talk this week about bad kissers, due to a cnn.com article entitled "Why Bad Kissers Don't Get to Second Base." There's been talk on the morning radio shows, and the Today show will probably do a hard-hitting piece on it soon. So I decided to share my own story as the recipient of a bad kiss........

I once didn't go out with a guy again because he was such a bad kisser. We went out to dinner, and then had drinks at a bar. I guess we had a nice time, but it was probably about 7 years ago and it's kind of hard to remember. In fact, I don't even remember the guy's name, but I DO remember the kiss. He kissed me at the end of the date. He slobbered all over my face. It was disgusting. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to run inside and bathe in anti-bacterial gel. I tried to get away from him by leaning backwards. But the more I leaned back, the more he leaned forward, and at the end of the kiss, I was almost totally bent over backwards. Now, I guess he wanted to go out again or he still liked me after the kiss because he kept calling and I kept ignoring the calls. Finally I had a friend answer the phone and tell the guy I was at my "boyfriend's" house. And I never had to endure another slobbery back bend kiss again!

On the other hand, while I have had some not so great first kisses (and by not so great I mean that they were 90% better than the slobbery back bend), I went out with the guy again and the next kiss after that was fantastic. So I think that unless you are the recipient of the "slobbery back bend," if you like someone enough, give them another opportunity at the kiss. If it's still bad, sleep with them, and if THAT is bad, then dump them by saying "it's not you, it's me."

And, I'm back!

Ok everyone,

I know that you have been soooooo bored due to the derth of postings on this site, and I apologize. OK. Except when I say I apologize, imagine me saying it to the tune of the Timbaland and someone song "Apologize." Whenever I hear that song I think, that is a remix? What the hell did the original sound like? The remix just has Timba (we're friends I can call him that) making some weird noise like he was wounded by an arrow.

I know this is short, but I gotta run downstairs and get to the gym in my new office building which I really like.

I still want to post the e-mail from cockface. I will look for it and try to post tomorrow, so you all have something to look forward to. You're welcome!