Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hanging up on someone if the biggest F U

Yes, this is what I think. Hanging up the phone on someone is the biggest fuck you, ever! And that is exactly what I did to some piece of shit asshole who called me today. He has one of his assistants call me to say that I did not serve my trial subpoena on time to their moron doctor, who has known about this litigation since September. So, I told the assistant I would file a rule to show cause and they would have to deal with.

So, Mr. Thinks He Has a Big Dick calls me to say that I shouldn't threaten his employees, etc. And I got so sick of hearing him talk, that I just hung up on him. And when he called back to tell me off for hanging up on him, I hung up on him again.

The moral of this story is that I don't care about dumb motherufckers.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

If politics are like this, I don't want to be wrong!


This story is awesome! If I knew politics were so hot, I would definitely become more involved. And, if this guy is really 46, I might condiser changing my dating age range.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

There are several problems with this picture...

Beginning with the fact that this idiot left the house looking like this. Next we have the long hair. I always say I would never date a guy with hair longer than mine. So far we haven't had that problem, but I'm just saying....

Ok, so then there's the V neck blouse and necklace that look like they belong on a butch lesbian rather than a loser straight dude that tries WAAAAAY too hard.

The Jeans, since he is a man that has no fashion sense to begin with. He doesn't know that to pull off this look which requires the donning of skinny jeans. Now, since he's not skinny enough to wear those jeans he tried to pull it off with his regular everyday, I'm trying to be hip-hop and look 20 years younger than my actual age jeans, which results in a look like this.

Criss Angel go home and burn everything you're wearing, including your wig and undies. The undies are tainted by just wearing them with an ensemble to hideous. I don't know what the undies look like, but thinking about them makes me gag. Ultimate FAIL.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

No, not to this blog! To my law practice. I've been on my own for 2 years!

Never has time flown by so fast. Over the past 2 years I have never worked harder, challenged myself more, grown up, learned faster, gained more self confidence, or tried more cases.

This job is very hard. It is overwhelmingly stressful some days, and run of the mill the others. Some days I work 18 hours and others I work 1. Sometimes I work all weekend, and then play tennis on Wednesday. With all of the worries that come with the unpredictable nature of this job, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love my job!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

An actual letter to a really old lawyer

Hi! Here is an actual letter that I sent to a 90 year old man who I am litigating against. Unfortunately for him, he really pissed me off, and although he is old, I will take no pity on him. I just hope my nasty letters will drive him to retire, which he should have done, oh, about 70 years ago.......

I am in receipt of your correspondence of September 15. You have been demanding for months that this child be returned to his Mother. You claimed that the child has been “kidnapped” by his Father, even though he regularly visited his Mother and she allowed him to live with his Father for the better part of a year. Now you complain that the child has been returned to his Mother, which is what you and your client wanted!

First of all, I would suggest you refer to the Florida Statutes for the most accurate
definition of kidnapping. Further, the police refuse to get involved in child custody disagreements such as this, and would never arrest a Father for kidnapping. That is law enforcement standard operating procedure. When you threaten to bring kidnapping charges against my client, you may want to research whether you actually have the authority to do that. You do not. That is the job of law enforcement and the State Attorney’s Office. You are not employed by either of those groups, to my knowledge.

Secondly, I would suggest you choose a position and stick with it. You wanted the child back, did you not? Now that’s he’s back you say that he’s “scheming.” Do you really think it is fair to accuse a 12 year old of “scheming?” Do you think that it is appropriate to blame the Mother’s inability to control and parent her son on him, the 12 year old? If your client cannot control her child, it is solely her fault. The child is 12 years old, and his unruly behavior is not out of character for his age. If she does not know how to control an adolescent boy I would suggest that she enroll in some parenting courses with all due haste.

Lastly, I find it extremely hard to believe that the police discovered that the child and the Father were “scheming” to blame the Mother. In all actuality, the child left the home and the police were called after your client’s new husband put his hands on the child. When a non-biological parent begins physically disciplining a child a situation may arise where criminal charges can be brought. I would suggest that your client’s husband govern himself accordingly.

Should you have any questions concerning the foregoing, please contact the undersigned at your earliest convenience.
It's days like this that I love my job!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Welcome to Florida. We'll be happy to kick your ass!


Monday, August 23, 2010

Can we build more bridges in Florida?

Check out the Michigan bridge settlement! The vicitims got fucked, the eingineering firm got off VERY easy, and the attorneys made a shitload of money! Can I get a client like that, please?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My crazy clients

Ok, Most of my clients are crazy, but this one is REALLY crazy. She a hoarder. I'm not kidding. She calls me before every hearing and tells me what to say to the Judge (99.9% of what she tells me to say is wrong, of course). Then she also embarasses me by calling the Judge's secretary and talking to her, and then asking the sceretary to look for me in the courtroom (which is on a diferent floor from the Judge's office.)

So, today crazy called. And when I wasn't screaming at her to stop talking and listen to me instead of lecturing me on things she has no knowledge of. She told me she doesn't care what my professional opinion is, and to just do the work she hired me for. Now, you have to understand that my profesional opinion and my ability to do legal work are intertwined. I won't do work that I think is not warranted, or will lose. This lady wants me to do work that I know we will lose. So, I objected and told her I wouldn't do it. She said I'm not asking for your personal opinion.

I told her that if she heard my personal opinion, she might cry. That was kind of mean, but she was talking over me the entire time and didn't hear a word I said.

She also asked for my cell phone number. I never give clients my cell number, but since she leaves messages for me at the office from anywhere between 6am and Midnight, and the messages are 5 minutes long each, and 3 in a row, I was even more adamant and I said "Hell no!" That was really rude. I hope she heard it.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Morons in the news

Hi all,

I'm going to re-start this blog and see how it goes. I didn't want to be too aggressive with the newest version of Curlatini, so I'm doing a "soft" opening. It's kind of like a pocket listing. If you like it, please leave a comment. And then read this article:


It's sad, but the stupidity of this guy is hilarious.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009