This might not have been the most professional thing I've ever done

And it's only happened 2 times since I've been practicing law. Um, I kind of hung up the phone on someone. Opposing counsel in one of my cases, in fact.

Now, this is a tactic that I sometimes employ in my personal life. And usually when I hang up on the person I feel terrible afterwards.

But when I hang up on someone at work I feel no remorse. Especially this time. A party in one of my cases has had 5 months to answer my discovery. And instead of filing a motion to compel and setting it right away, I was nice. I wrote a letter reminding him the discovery was overdue, and I made telephone calls too. Neither were returned. I never got answers to my discovery, so I filed motions to compel.

I'm supposed to go to court tomorrow and argue these motions. I know I will win, and it's a huge waste of my client's money, and I just don't feel like going. So, I (or rather my secretary, the angel) tried to work it out with the other attorney. He asked for 20 days. I let him have 10 instead. You know, out of principle. He's figuring it's already been 5 months, what's another 3 weeks.

Then he just called me saying he would get everything to me in 20 days. I said I offered him 10, not 20 days. He asked what difference it made.

SIDEBAR:In reality it doesn't make a difference, but I don't like when people ignore me and my clients for 5 months and then call me and act like they're doing me a favor, I usually don't appreciate it.

I told him that the discovery was 5 months overdue and my client was already extremely prejudiced, and that if he didn't agree to my offer I was going to ask the judge for $750 in fees (which I have asked for and received in other cases), and that I would get it. He actually said "Oh please." And then he said it several more times. And he may have said it several times after that, but since I hung up the phone I'll never know.

Guess what I did?

Hired someone to clean my house. I hate to do it. My place is getting dirty. I can't be bothered with annoying crap like that anymore. I'm over it. I have other things to worry about.

That is all.

Dear Mariah

Do you own a single piece of clothing that is age appropriate? The outfit you're wearing looks like it came from Forever 21. Fire your stylist, immediately!

I'm a little concerned about Monday

Hi. My deposition in my guardian ad litem case is Monday. The attorney for the father is a scary, scary monster. She's a nightmare, a total bitch, and she has multiple personality disorder. I'm a little nervous.

And I'm expecting her to call me in a rage very shortly. I just wrote a nasty letter to her saying her client hasn't paid me in 9 months, owes my firm 5K, and that if he didn't pay the firm $2500 by Monday morning I wouldn't be testifying unless she got a court order. Oops. Was that a little bitchy of me????? I guess she's a good role model for that sort of thing.

I was going to start my diet for my friend's wedding in September this weekend. The diet calls for a dramatic decrease of alcoholic beverages. I don't think I can do that until after Monday. Ok, so let's say I will start my new diet on Tuesday. But then I am going away on Thursday for the weekend and I know that I will not stay on the diet while away. Crap. So, let's be realistic. Maybe I can start the new diet in 10 days.

But I will go to the gym tomorrow morning. That's when all the hot guys are there. See what gets me motivated?

I don't really like bugs

Especially big, scary ones like spiders and roaches. So yesterday when I was leaving the office I was none too pleased what I found WAY too close to my car.

Here's what happened, I was already in a freaked out mood when some weird guy followed me out of the elevator. I kept looking over my shoulder to see that he wasn't following me to the car. When I looked forward and continued walking to my car I saw something so scary and gross that I just froze. I couldn't move. I just stared at "it" and literally said "Oh my God," really loud. It was the biggest fucking roach I had ever seen in my life. And it looked like it had come straight out of the prehistoric era. I walked 20 feet out of my way to get to my car.

And then this morning it was by the elevators, on its back. And even though it was dead, I still ran into the elevator because it is just so gross and scary. OK, so now you know what my "kryptonite" is. If you hate me, please do not send me roaches. Just continue your silent dislike of me. Thanks.

Star Jones and her gay soon-to-be ex-husband

Below is an article I copied from a very reputable source: people.com. Big Gay Al says he wants to be friends with Star after the divorce is final. Dear Al, that is just not going to work. I know this because it is the same reason I am not friends with any of my ex-boyfriends. The relationship ended for a reason. It usually isn't mutual, and there can not be any free and honest communication between the 2 people who used to be in the relationship together. So, to the people who want to "still be friends" I say to you: it's not gonna happen. Ok? It's a nice thought, but it just doesn't work.

And, here's the reason I posted the picture of the lovely ex-couple......Star's face! Holy crap. Plastic surgery much? Botox too much? And, yes dear, we know you lost all that weight from the gastric bypass surgery which you denied having for years, but now your face is too big for your body. Can you get that reduced too?
__________________________________________________________________


Star Jones's ex, Al Reynolds, wants to set the record straight – really straight. "I am not a homosexual," he says on a new YouTube video posted Tuesday. Reynolds also claimed that he still carries a torch for the former View host, who filed for divorce earlier this year. But, in a series of three videos, he admits the two are not on speaking terms. "It saddens me," he says. "Our relationship is a little tender and hopefully over time we can heal a lot of that, and we can become friends again." (He echoed that sentiment to the Associated Press, telling the wire service: "I still very much love her. I do. I can't lie to you.") Jones and Reynolds tied the knot in an over-the-top ceremony in November 2004. So what went wrong in their three-year union? He says problems began in 2007, when Jones was launching her truTV talk show and he began teaching at Miami's Florida Memorial University. "I don't know if I can point to a specific thing that happened," Reynolds claims in one YouTube post. "I felt like we started to grow apart." The 37-year-old, former banker says he has not dated anyone since his split. "I feel like I've still got a little bit of healing to do," he adds. "After the divorce is final, I'll probably be a little bit more interested in that. Right now, I'm focusing on teaching and finishing my doctorate degree."

Today's lunch

I have a warning for everyone: DO NOT, under any circumstances, eat Progresso light vegetable barley soup. It will give you heartburn, and cause you to suffer extreme stomach cramping. I think I'm actually starting to get a shooting pain down my right arm because of it as well. Either that or I'm having a heart attack, and I like to think that I'm too young and too fit to be having a heart attack.

Seriously, save yourself the abdominal pain and do not eat this soup, ever!

Happy Anniversary from........

The General Manager of the dealership where I bought my car. He left me a very personal message wishing me a happy first anniversary. Is that the dumbest thing you have ever hear of? I understand wanting to give good customer service, but that is a little over the top.

BTW, what do you get your car for your first anniversary together? Should I fill up with super instead of regular unleaded?

Date night

Yes my friends, its that time of year......when Saks and Niemans have their huge blowout sales. And that's where I'll be about 1 hour after I get out of jail work. I am going to browse racks and racks of discounted expensive clothing, and I probably will buy nothing because when I really want to buy something I usually don't find anything I want. Does that make sense?

Like for instance, today I was browsing an online shoe store and bought 2 pairs of shoes. Ok, yes, I've wanted some new shoes for a while, but did I really have this pair of purple "croc" heels in mind? No. But did I buy them anyway? Yes. And were they probably too expensive? I'm a woman, do you really have to ask?

I wasn't really looking for a brown pair of shoes either, but these (see below) were too cute to pass up! And, guess what else? I had a coupon. So, I'm not paying full price. Which means I can buy more things, right???

So, after work I'm going on a date with myself. Shopping the sales, and while I'm at the mall I may even go into stores where nothing is on sale, just because I can. And after that I'm treating myself to dinner at PF Changs. I have been craving those lettuce wraps, yum. And I'm sure the date is go great because, well, it's me.

Mamma Mia!

I saw this musical in New York City a few years ago, and when it finally ended, I thought to myself "I paid $150 to see that???" And I've had a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing ever since. But now, the movie version of the movie is coming out and I am getting really excited about seeing it. Even sitting here right now I can't get that music out of my head! And I'm very interested to hear Meryl Streep's singing. Hmmmm.....

I'm almost as excited to see this movie as I was to see Sex and the City. And, I love musicals!

New attorney update

Yesterday the new attorney at our firm left 30 minutes before me! I'm glad she's already not trying to look busy or work hard. The bosses can hate on her now, I'm sick of them hating on me!

Oh yes, and the other new attorney says that she has to stay until 8 every night in order to get her hours and billing done. I wonder when she's going to figure it out. I'm certainly not going to tell her.

Her Dad is going to be so disappointed

Hi All. I think I may have mentioned way back when that I have a ton of feral cats in my neighborhood. My idiot neighbor feeds them, and then after their delicious meal, they relieve themselves on my lawn, my flowers, my plants, and anywhere else they know I can smell it. Due to the fact that I am HOA President I can inform my neighbors that they need to cease and desist certain activities and sign the "memo" on behalf of the Board. I do this with some regularity as it seems that since I've become a homeowner, I have also become the neighbor that complains about her neighbors constantly because they allow their dogs to bark at inappropriate times or becuase they invite the cats to poop in my yard by feeding them practically in my yard. Oh, and BTW, the dog barking thing, I didn't even give the neighbors a warning I just called the cops on them because disturbing my sleep is unforgivable!

Anywhoo, I resolved the issue with the cat-feeding neighbor. She now feeds them off of association property and they have found alternate places to poop. But that hasn't taken care of the cat population altogether. You see, I'm a cat person. And I'm a real sucker for kittens. So, a few months ago, when a mommy cat decided to have her kittens in my backyard, I didn't scare the mommy away, and force her to take the kittens with her. I waited until mommy was hunting, or sleeping with herBF, and then i picked up each of the FIVE kittens and played with them, and cuddled them, and talked to them like they were my babies. OMG they were so cute! And when the mommy came back to visit the kids I counseled her about the dangers of teenage pregnancy (I'm not even sure mommy was a year old when the kittens were born). That teenage pregnancy can lead a person to dropout of school, do drugs, drink too much, and lead your kids down the wrong path..........

Fast forward to yesterday. The mommy isn't around much anymore, but there are 2 kittens that still like to play in my backyard, and they are just too cute to scare away. Plus I like to watch them play and give them motherly advice from time to time, since it appears as though their own mother has gone back to streetwalking, and they're now my adopted children.

So, now the kittens are about 12 weeks old and still cute and little. One is all black, and the other is black with a white spot on her face with long fluffy fur. She's my favorite. And she's so pretty, I'm sure that's why the pedophile tomcat wanted to "make nice" with her. They are still so young. The thought never even crossed my mind to give them the "birds and bees" talk. But maybe I should have talked to them about "strangers."

It happened yesterday when I was on the phone with Grandma Curl (because I'm the Mommy). We are just chatting away when I decided to open the blinds and check on my babies outside. What I saw horrified me! My precious baby was trapped on the ground under a sexual predator of the cat world, and it looked like he was about to make my baby a woman! I don't think he actually did anything yet because she wasn't crying, he was just "getting ready." And the worst part of the whole thing was that there were 2 other cats there just watching!

But then again, maybe my kitty wanted it! Maybe she wanted to "experiment." Experiment? With sex? She's not even in college yet. Kids these days grow up so fast.

And, reacting to what I was witnessing, as any protective parent would do, I was outside in about 1 second flat and attempted to strangle the "rapist/kitty molester." But he ran away, and I couldn't catch him. So the next time I see him, I'm just going to try and run him over with my car.

And here's where we get to the title of this post. My BF, he's a little more conservative than I am. Maybe I can be a little more understanding of this whole situation, that our little baby is going to be a slut just like her Mom (the cat one, not me), and he is going to be so disappointed (that's right, you're the kitten's "daddy," I just decided today). Maybe he will decide to take a more active role in the life of our kitten, and try to talk to her like I do. Or maybe he will ignore her, like he usually does because he's a dog person, who condones sex between a kitten and a cat.

Our little baby is all grown up. I'm going to be a grandmother soon and I'm only 31. Cry.

Long weekend report

Apparently I think that I'm still 21. But in reality I'm 21 plus 10, and can no longer recover as quickly when I go out all night, and even for several nights in a row. Anyway, I spent lots of time with the bf and loved every minute of it. Ate good food, drank adult beverages, and socialized with friends.

The weekend was so good that it was even more difficult to come into the office today. But, the fact that there was no traffic helped the situation. And taking a 1.5 hour lunch helped too. Oh, and I did hardly any work, and I'm still going to leave at 5:30. And, the 2nd new attorney started at my firm today, which is great because that means that my bosses can bother and annoy the 2 new people and leave me the f*&% alone. I think by the end of next week the bosses will have forgotten my name altogether. Wonderful.

Rehab results

Apparently, rehab turned Linsay Lohan into a lesbian. But her girlfriend looks like a man. Hmmmmm.

Office July 4 observance

In observance of July 4, the office is closing at 3:30. Great that's 1.5 hours I won't have to worry about billing.

I hate billiable hours

The billable hour requirement at my firm causes me much stress. Especially since I don't have much work to do right now. I still have to find about 3 hours of work to bill for yesterday in addition to the 8 plus hours I need for today. And don't even get me started about tomorrow. Maybe I will call in sick since I will be sick after sitting here all day with nothing to do and worrying about it. But then that may look suspicious since the next day is July 4. Shit. This office is such crap. I hate it here.