Old job talk

So, I was talking to someone from my old office and got an update on the poor guy who they hired to replace me. It seems as though he's already been fired once, but then after he was fired, showed up for work again the next day and cockface didn't have the balls to fire him again. He also called in sick the first week. Come on, was he really that "sick" or already sick of working there. Also I hear he has a problem actually spending time in the office, and he's just wierd in general.

You know, at first I was kind of puzzled, and maybe kind of hurt when the old office found someone to replace me so soon. And now I know, he's a pathetic wierdo that probably causes them even more grief than I did. Smile.

Oh, and my friend from the old office promises she will tell me more stories about the new guy at my new firm's christmas party next week. Nice.

And, sorry but I can't find the mean e-mail Cockface wrote to me, but for the sake of brevity I will tell you what went down. It was the week before Labor Day and I had plans to go to Key West. I e-mailed my boss and asked for Friday off so I could leave for key west early. He wrote me a looooong e-mail back telling me how much I suck, lack attention to detail, and if my work doesn't improve he needs to replace me. He also says that he was thinking of asking me to work this weekend (I'm sure he wasn't, but he wants to throw that in). Oh yes, and the best part was he told me that I had chosen the wrong profession. And that's only because he hadn't gotten into a fight with me before, but if he had he would have realized that there's something that takes over my body when I get mad. Oh yes, I think they call it adrenaline. And after the adrenaline hits, I am a fighting machine on auto pilot. Some people reading this might actually have witnesses this, and if I scared you, I'm sorry.

So, cockface conveniently wasn't in the office that day, so I couldn't really talk to him about this. If he was in the office, I would have asked him in person and there's no way he would have responded to me like he did in the e-mail. I guess it's just easier to be an asshole over the internet.

Here's my response, which was professional and way more toned down than my original response, which was going to be: fuck you, you bald, ugly, alcoholic. I know you are a miserable person because your wife is a total bitch that looks like Droopy the Dog and you have to stay married to her for the rest of your horrible life. The only reason your ego is so big is because you have to overcompensate for your small penis.

Here's what I wrote him:
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Cockface,

I realize from this e-mail that you are extremely frustrated with me and I apologize for my mistakes. If you talk to me about problems you have with me when they occur, it might be easier for me to be more cognizant of the problem and correct it immediately, rather than waiting for an e-mail like today's that insults me and threatens my employment here.

I have been letting some personal issues distract me lately. I am sorry. I am willing to work harder on that so that my concentration is more focused. However, I also have some frustrations with this office that may have consequently affected the way I work too. Mainly, the way I am spoken to sometimes is extremely offensive to me. I have only been practicing law for a year. You knew when you hired me that I was fresh out of law school. I don't know everything; I need to have things explained to me sometimes, and I need more direction and guidance. I would like to feel free to come to you and ask you questions so I do not repeat any rookie mistakes. The only problem is when spoken to in a condescending manner, it doesn't encourage me to do better or teach me anything.

Before I started working here we all went to lunch at the Tower Club and I told you that I needed time from you, i.e. mentorship to enable me to become a good attorney. While I have learned a lot from working here, I have not had as much "time" as I was looking for. You and Ilene are very busy, I understand that, constantly on the phone, returning e-mails, etc. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable approaching you because your door is closed or you ignore me when we're in the office. Maybe I need to make it more clear when I have a question or need guidance.

Things have really picked up this week, but in the weeks preceding this one it has been a little slow. You have even told me your practice has never been so slow. If you are feeling overwhelmed with work right now, then give me more and I will do it to the best of my ability. Or if you prefer I come to you when I need more to work on, I can do that as well.

I agree that things need to change. I will do better, but do you think you could be conscious of the issues I've raised? If I can raise the bar on my work and we can straighten things out then that would be great. We can continue this conversation tomorrow if you like, but I do not think that further e-mail exchanges would be productive at this point. I would prefer talking to you in person.
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That was good, right? Seriously, did he really think he was going to talk to me like that and not get a response? Don't forget, I'm an attorney and I like to fight.