I am incapable of relaxing

Seriously, I don't know how to relax. The saying "don't sweat the small stuff." Does not apply to me. I sweat. I sweat a lot.

I may have given the bf a little attitude this morning. OMG. I need to control my temper. I'm being bratty, I know. But I really don't care. Can you please keep in touch with me? And I'm not talking every 4 days. For reals, yo.

Still sick

Oh hi. I'm still sick. This is day 10. It really Fing sucks. I think in the past 10 days I have used enough Kleenex to kill 1 whole tree. I'm thinking that if I don't feel better by day 14 that I should go to the doctor. But, I kind of don't have health insurance right now, even though I was supposed to have health insurance starting February 1.

So, I hope I get better soon. And the illness is affecting my weight as I have no appetite. So, my attempt to reach my goal weight has been assisted by my illness of the past 10 days, and not by my hard work in the gym. Either way is fine with me as long as I'm losing it and not gaining.

Lipstick Jungle

If you have not seen Lipstick Jungle (Thursday night 10p.m. NBC), then you NEED to. It's my new favorite show. It is also very conveninet to watch as NBC allows viewers to watch it online. So, when I fall asleep on the couch at 9:30 (usually every night) and wake up in the middle of Jay Leno, I can watch it at work the next day.

Favorite female character: Victory Price. I like her name. She has a cool job (fashion designer) and on the show she has a hot boyfriend who also happens to be a billionaire. Which leads me to my next thought.......

Favorite male character: Andrew McCarthy. I don't remember his character's name. He plays the aforementioned hot billionaire. And can I just say that he used to be cute when he was younger, but now he has officially reached the level of "HOT."

Wow, I guess I'm maturing when I no longer think that people like Chase Crawford (I don't even know who that is, but he seems to be the "it" guy.) are attractive, but I really think that people like Andrew McCarthy, who's 45, or my bf, who's 30.5 are super hot.

Least favorite female character: Brooke Shields. I don't remember her character's name either. Since when is Brooke Shields a female bodybuilder? Seriously, she looks huge, like she could snap me in half (which I'm sure she could). And she's just thick, it's not pretty. And her hair on the show is horrible. Note to hair stylist: if you're going to put curlers in Brooke's hair, be sure to brush out the curls after you remove the curlers. Otherwise she looks like a doll for an 8 year-old child.

So, if you haven't seen this show yet, check it out, and then tell me what you think!

Dating is not so fun all of the time

When dating someone usually at some point I get a little aggravated with the subject of phone calls. Nowadays people like to use text messages and e-mails to ask a person out for a date. I do not like these methods. I like the phone method. Come on, if you are asking the person out, it means that you want to spend more time with them, so why would you avoid verbal communication with the person by using a text message or e-mail. It really makes no sense.


So, I have been dating someone for about 3 months now and I'm starting to think I need to relax more. See, in my "real life" everything is usually fine and I make decisions quickly and easily, but I start dating someone and over analyze small things.

It's really hard for me to relax. I'm going to try harder to do that in the future. I think I'll even make it a resolution.

I'm just saying...

Now, I love me some Clooney, but the guy is starting to look a little old. His eyes in particular. Maybe he should have a conversation with Bret Michaels about Botox

I'm just saying.

Illness update

Apparently this cold I have has stages: the sore throat stage, the swollen throat stage, and now severe congestion. I've probably gone though half a box of tissues. This sucks. I hate being sick. Maybe I can drop a few pounds because of it. That would be the only good that can come of this.

Happy ending

A woman took a hurt, dying lion home, cared for him, and when he was better gave him back to the zoo. This is a video of what happened the next time they saw each other.

*If this is actually true, it's pretty amazing!

Health report

I feel even worse today than yesterday. My throat is killing me and I feel nauseous. This is not good.

WTF is going on in my office when I'm not here???

Last week on Valentine's Day, one of my bosses gave everyone in the office a box of chocolate. I think I may have had one piece that day and one the next day, but I know for sure I didn't have more than 2 pieces from the box. So, then today, I didn't bring breakfast to the office and instead I was going to have a very healthy breakfast substitute of chocolate. But to my surprise I opened the box and there was 1 piece missing, not the 2 that I had previously eaten. AND, the piece that was missing was not one of the pieces that I already had. I know this because the pieces of candy were all shaped differently and their assigned spaces in the box were all shaped like the piece of candy. So, when I opened the box, the long oval candy was gone and I KNOW I hadn't tried that piece yet!!!! WTF????

So, I'm not sure what the hell happened--whether someone swaped boxes with me (and I have no clue why they would do that) or someone put their candy into my box, or I don't really fucking care what happened, but it is very fishy and I was so very grossed out by the possibility of someone touching candy on my desk when I wasn't looking, so I threw the entire box into the garbage.

BTW, I woke up with a mild cold and my throat hurts. I need less germs, not more.

Rock of Love 2

Ok, so I am watching the show this season, but I can't keep any of the skanks straight. So. I'll just say that I finally found a picture of Bret without the bandana/cowboy hat combo, so, I'm going to post it and then we can all make comments. OK?

First of all, how did a tennis ball get into Bret's crotch region? Because it's either that or his junk is packed into his jeans so tightly that he's probably not going to have any more kids.

Second, his face looks like a woman's. See what too much botox and lip injections can do to a man? Make him start to look like the opposite sex.

And lastly, is Bret really looking for his soulmate? Because he never makes comments like "she took care of me when I was sick," or "she was concerned about my mom whose getting old." The comments are more along the lines of "she looked smokin' hot," "she is unbelievably sexy," or my favorite "there was movement. Heavy, heavy movement."

What exactly was "moving" Bret. Wait, on second thought, I don't think I want to know. Gross. He probably injects that with Botox too!

Rock of Love 2 gross out

If you watched Rock of Love 2 this week, you were forced to observe treated to this disgusting spit swap emotional and genuine display of affection.

There are 17 things wrong with this picture:

1) the chick's hair

2) Bret's hair

3) the gaping of the mouths

4) the fact that you can actually see a tongue

5) the unnatural body position of the two

Um, I know there are more things wrong. Why doesn't someone help me out with the list?

Another holiday that I'm working

President's Day. Everyone else is out enjoying time off from work. I know this because my usually hellish morning commute was only 25 minutes today causing me to get to work at 8:10. WTF? I am stuck in the office doing bullshit work until I can get the hell out of here and enjoy my real life.

Oh, and the family met the BF last night. Everything went fine. The BF was ok with it. I thought he did great, and looked even better! Haven't heard from the parents or sister yet, but they're sure to agree with me.

And also, the BF learned that I am prone to emotional outbursts after I don't want to talk about what's bothering me and instead respond to questions with the following words: "fine," "I guess," "nothing." It didn't scare him away. Holy crap, I really need to grow up.

Plus, my diet is going good. My skinny clothing is sure to fit again soon! Go me, it's my birthday. Go me, it's my birthday. Wait it really is my birthday. Well, yesterday anyway. I'm a year older, still not married, and childless. I bought myself expensive jewelery. I can afford to do that because I don't have kids.

Will you quit already?

Dear Mike Huckabee,

Will you please quit the race already? You have maybe 250 delagates. McCain only needs 220ish more to secure the nomination. Quit. Seriously, you are not going to win. I think it is statistically improbable. And where the hell are you getting all this money to run the campaign? Give it up. You are only pissing off McCain and ruining your very good chances of getting asked to be VP. You support a constitutional amendment to ban abortion (fuck you, I'm not letting a "preacher" tell me what I can and cannot do to my body). AND you want a constitutional amendment against gay marriage. You're really an idiot. Next you're probably going to tell me that people turn gay. Fucking moron.

Love,
Curlatini

About Dolly Parton's Breasts

In the "we could see that coming" category, Dolly Parton has announced that she is postponing her upcoming North American concert tour because her famously enormous breasts have given her a chronically sore back.
"Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems," the 62-year-old singer-songwriter said in a statement after doctors told her to take it easy for two months.

_________________________________________________________

And, she also said she's well known for 2 things.......(wait for it).....her music and her lyrics! Ba Dum Bum--chsssss(rim shot).

Dolly is seriously adorable. Even her cheezy jokes don't make me roll my eyes because she tells them with such sincerity. But Dolly, did you think boobs that big were going to make your back feel good???

Ok Monday

After a super busy weekend I managed to get to work at the "proper" time according to my bosses. At our attorney's meeting last week we got scolded for not being in the office by 8:45am. And right before that, I saw an e-mail my boss had written to the office manager with the names of the attorneys who weren't in the office by 9am. My name was on the list. It kind of bothers me. Only because the "boss" who wrote the e-mail was the person I've written about on this site before--the one who left work because she was cold. I understand that she's the "boss" and can pretty much come and go as she pleases, but does she notice the times I get into the office at 7:30 or 8am? No, because she's not here. And does she notice when I am working until past 8pm. No, because she's not here. And does it make a difference that I billed 190 hours last month? Apparently not.

That is what bothers me. If I am billing 190 hours a month, that is a lot of hours which makes management lots of money, and I still make the same amount. So, if I am billing large amounts of hours that makes management very wealthy, they should NOT care when I come and go as long as I get my work done and I keep my hours up. Secondly, the fact that I am an adult and my comings and goings are being watched pisses me off to no end. If I needed a babysitter I'd still be waiting tables.

So, even after that rant, I'm actually fine with today being Monday. Actually, I think this week should fly by. After the gym tonight I am going to purchase my extremely beautiful and extremely expensive marble coffee table. It is beautiful and artsy. People will compliment me on my good taste when they see it. After that I'm going to Target to buy a cheap hand mixer to make surprise valentines goodies for my guy. I decided that after spending a gazillion dollars on the table I needed to cut corners in other areas, that's why I'm hitting up Target and not the preferrable Williams Sonoma.

Tomorrow I don't have to work!!! Woo hoo!!!! Instead I get to drive 2.5 hours to Ft. Meyers to get sworn in for the federal court in the middle of the state. And then I get to drive 2.5 hours home. Loves it.

Wednesday and Thursday I have to work, which will suck, but I'm going to work on my valentine's day goodies for the BF, which will keep me distracted from work. Friday, I'm taking the afternoon off so I can primp for my date. Yes we're doing V-day on Friday instead of Thursday--he's busy. Ok? I'm fine with it.

It feels like Friday already!

Mitt Romney

In case you haven't heard, Mitt Romney is dropping out of the presidential race our last chance for having a hot president is over. And you know what? He made a very smart financial political, professional, and well-reasoned decision. In a speech today he said the following: Beacuse I love America in this time of war, I feel I have to stand aside for our party and our country. This statement could be interpreted several different ways:

1. Even if I am rich, I am tired of pouring my OWN money into this campaign.
2. I finally faced reality and decided I didn't want to pour my OWN money into this failing campaign.
3. I like having a lot of money.
4. Hey, I like McCain too.
5. I don't love this country when we're not in a war.
6. Maybe it's not too late to start my underground campaign for VP.
7. I'm too good looking to be president.
8. Maybe I can get a cabinet position our of this whole foray into national politics.
9. President Bush really messed up the country world with this whole war in Iraq, and you know what? It's just too fucked up to fix.
10. I'll just buy something to make myself feel better.

*David Letterman--call me. This is good stuff!

Work 3 Month Anniversary

Today is my 3 month anniversary at the new job.

Current mood about new job: apathetic.

Number of times I arrived at work before 9am this week: 0 (I think, see I don't even care about being late so much that I can't remember when I come in on time).

Number of hours billed in January:189. That's pretty Fing impressive!

Months until first bonus: 3

Months until second bonus: 9

Months until I can look for and secure a job that pays me 40-50K more: 9 (OK, I can do this, work at a job I don't like so I can get a job I like more and pays me what I'm worth)

When I started here I was told that I may get a "bump" in salary at the end of 3 months. Both of my bosses are in a meeting right now. I was getting excited I might be informed of my "bump" today. But, I was just informed that there's a 3rd person in the meeting. So, that means they're not talking about my "bump." Mind you, I'm not poor by any means, I just like to make LOTS of money. And if I don't like my job I think more about the money I'm earning that I normally do. That's all.

Best Fight Ever

http://www.nbc.com/Late_Night_with_Conan_O'Brien/video/index.shtml#mea=213670

If you are a fan of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or Conan O'Brien, do yourselves a favor and watch this clip from last night's Conan show. It's brilliant!