Monday, July 30, 2007
Happy Monday
Today started as normal as every Monday does: woke up, was in disbelief that another weekend had passed so quickly, and wished I could stay in bed until Noon.
But once I got to my office I knew that this was going to be no regular Monday, it was going to be worse. I'm told by our secretary that a hearing was scheduled for this morning, but was cancelled last Wednesday. Apparently our office decided to just mail the notice of cancellation instead of sending it via fax and mail. You know, just in case the mail was slow and opposing counsel didn't get notice of the cancellation in time.
Anyhoo, opposing counsel was at the courthouse and pissed that he didn't know the hearing was off. He said he was going to essentially tell on our office to the judge and argue the hearing without us being there.
#1-ex parte communication with the Court is frowned upon
#2-this guy is an asshole and wouldn't think twice about attempting to make us look bad
#3-the judge the case is assigned to was going to hear him!!!!????? WHAT???
So, I was told by my boss to get to the courthouse ASAP and smooth everything out. 15 minutes later I'm in the courtroom trying to get to the bottom of this mess. I'm told by the clerk that opposing counsel already spoke to the judge and the judge was going to sign a Order telling us to coordinate all hearings and depositions in the future. That didn't sound so bad, we usually try to do that any way except in this case, opposing counsel would never return calls so there was no way to coordinate hearings. Plus, this is a tactic that attorneys regularly use--you call to coordinate and every day that you have available, the other attorney will conveniently already have a hearing or deposition scheduled.
While I'm talking to the clerk, opposing counsel is sitting in the back of the courtroom, listening to everything I'm saying, yet fails to approach me to discuss (I have no idea what he looks like at this point, only to find out later when he tries to go behind my back to the judge).
So I go outside to call my boss and tell him what's going on. Only instead of saying: "we didn't have to be there anyway because the hearing was cancelled" or "thanks for getting there so quickly" or even "opposing counsel is a dick, just talk to the judge and tell him what's up" he says "What too you so long???? I called you 30 minutes ago. When I say get to the courthouse you need to go immediately!"
Let me clarify: he called me at 9:35. I got to the courthouse at 9:50. I had to bring copies to show the judge the hearing was cancelled and re-set, which meant I had to MAKE copies.
*note to self--Dear Curlatini, When the day finally comes when you are fortunate enough to accept a job at another firm and quit this one, suggest to boss that he invest in a stopwatch to make sure your replacement can make it to the courthouse more quickly than you can. Also make sure replacement candidate is wearing 4 inch heels and the outside temperature is 93 degrees and 100% humidity. Because when a person can perform in that type of environment, you know they're good, who cares if they can't write, research, or formulate a legal argument--the important thing is that they move faster than me!
So, I go back in the courtroom and tell the bailiff I need to speak to the judge. Meanwhile, opposing counsel is still sitting in the courtroom and probably praying that I give up and go back to the office. I sit patiently and wait my turn to speak to the all-powerful Oz.
My patience soon wears thin as the man sitting in the back of the courtroom gets up and asks the judge if he may approach. I hear the Clerk say "I think an attorney from the other side is here now." I now realize that the man standing before the judge is opposing counsel for my case. My opponent looks at me and then at the judge and says "Judge she's not an attorney."
WTF??????? I think steam actually came out of my ears, like in a cartoon. I couldn't believe what I just heard this man say.
At that point I rose and began to approach the bench. As I walked toward the judge and the pompous ass who was my opponent, I announced myself as defense counsel on the case and I stated my Florida Bar number. I told opposing counsel that he might want to write it down and possibly reference it in a letter of apology to me for being so disrespectful.
I then proceeded to tear this guy a new asshole, call him unprofessional, and tell the judge that when attorneys act like this jerk did it embarrasses the entire profession. I also moved for sanctions, but was denied.
The Judge then shows me the "proposed order" that my opposing counsel wanted the Judge to sign. I argued that no order should be signed at all since there was no motion before the court, the hearing was canceled, etc., etc., etc. When all was said and done, I got my way! No order from the court and made the other attorney like a total prick.
I normally do not make a habit of being so nasty to opposing counsel, but whenever I do it feels fucking great!
But once I got to my office I knew that this was going to be no regular Monday, it was going to be worse. I'm told by our secretary that a hearing was scheduled for this morning, but was cancelled last Wednesday. Apparently our office decided to just mail the notice of cancellation instead of sending it via fax and mail. You know, just in case the mail was slow and opposing counsel didn't get notice of the cancellation in time.
Anyhoo, opposing counsel was at the courthouse and pissed that he didn't know the hearing was off. He said he was going to essentially tell on our office to the judge and argue the hearing without us being there.
#1-ex parte communication with the Court is frowned upon
#2-this guy is an asshole and wouldn't think twice about attempting to make us look bad
#3-the judge the case is assigned to was going to hear him!!!!????? WHAT???
So, I was told by my boss to get to the courthouse ASAP and smooth everything out. 15 minutes later I'm in the courtroom trying to get to the bottom of this mess. I'm told by the clerk that opposing counsel already spoke to the judge and the judge was going to sign a Order telling us to coordinate all hearings and depositions in the future. That didn't sound so bad, we usually try to do that any way except in this case, opposing counsel would never return calls so there was no way to coordinate hearings. Plus, this is a tactic that attorneys regularly use--you call to coordinate and every day that you have available, the other attorney will conveniently already have a hearing or deposition scheduled.
While I'm talking to the clerk, opposing counsel is sitting in the back of the courtroom, listening to everything I'm saying, yet fails to approach me to discuss (I have no idea what he looks like at this point, only to find out later when he tries to go behind my back to the judge).
So I go outside to call my boss and tell him what's going on. Only instead of saying: "we didn't have to be there anyway because the hearing was cancelled" or "thanks for getting there so quickly" or even "opposing counsel is a dick, just talk to the judge and tell him what's up" he says "What too you so long???? I called you 30 minutes ago. When I say get to the courthouse you need to go immediately!"
Let me clarify: he called me at 9:35. I got to the courthouse at 9:50. I had to bring copies to show the judge the hearing was cancelled and re-set, which meant I had to MAKE copies.
*note to self--Dear Curlatini, When the day finally comes when you are fortunate enough to accept a job at another firm and quit this one, suggest to boss that he invest in a stopwatch to make sure your replacement can make it to the courthouse more quickly than you can. Also make sure replacement candidate is wearing 4 inch heels and the outside temperature is 93 degrees and 100% humidity. Because when a person can perform in that type of environment, you know they're good, who cares if they can't write, research, or formulate a legal argument--the important thing is that they move faster than me!
So, I go back in the courtroom and tell the bailiff I need to speak to the judge. Meanwhile, opposing counsel is still sitting in the courtroom and probably praying that I give up and go back to the office. I sit patiently and wait my turn to speak to the all-powerful Oz.
My patience soon wears thin as the man sitting in the back of the courtroom gets up and asks the judge if he may approach. I hear the Clerk say "I think an attorney from the other side is here now." I now realize that the man standing before the judge is opposing counsel for my case. My opponent looks at me and then at the judge and says "Judge she's not an attorney."
WTF??????? I think steam actually came out of my ears, like in a cartoon. I couldn't believe what I just heard this man say.
At that point I rose and began to approach the bench. As I walked toward the judge and the pompous ass who was my opponent, I announced myself as defense counsel on the case and I stated my Florida Bar number. I told opposing counsel that he might want to write it down and possibly reference it in a letter of apology to me for being so disrespectful.
I then proceeded to tear this guy a new asshole, call him unprofessional, and tell the judge that when attorneys act like this jerk did it embarrasses the entire profession. I also moved for sanctions, but was denied.
The Judge then shows me the "proposed order" that my opposing counsel wanted the Judge to sign. I argued that no order should be signed at all since there was no motion before the court, the hearing was canceled, etc., etc., etc. When all was said and done, I got my way! No order from the court and made the other attorney like a total prick.
I normally do not make a habit of being so nasty to opposing counsel, but whenever I do it feels fucking great!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Justice is served!
The following is an article from today's Sun-Sentinel. I post this article for several reasons: #1. The prosecutor is a friend of mine and #2. What happened here is fucking ridiculous.
To the poor schmuck who was found guilty of exposing his sexual organs in public: you were wrongly convicted. Jail is not a public place. Last time I checked you had to do something bad to get in there. A person cannot just walk in from off the street, hang out and maybe grab a coffee. This case is easily appealable and I am volunteering to handle the appeal--this can be my pro bono case of the year, it will make my Mom proud!
To the dumb bitch prison guard who made a big deal out of the poor schmuck masturbating in prison: You are a fucking retard. Don't tell me that you are surprised people that people masturbate in jail. What else is there to do when you are locked up for a year??? You've been a prison guard for 9 years. Aren't you used to seeing activity like this yet? Better yet, didn't you engage in behavior worse than this before you found religion and were elevated to the oh-so-coveted position of prison guard? I bet back in the crack whore days you did some skanky shit.
FYI--as a judicial clerk a few years ago, I went on a tour of the Broward County Jail with other law students working in the courthouse that summer. While there we all saw a guy jacking off. Did we make a big deal about it?? NO!!!! And we were only there for an hour or 2. Was the guy probably doing it because we were all there staring at him like a caged animal? Probably. Was it directed towards us? Probably. Did we laugh it off? Yes! Listen prison guard lady, I know you are the proud mother of a 19-month-old. And you probably haven't had any sex in the last 19 months. But could you please relax? And I see you're recently been transferred. Where to? the strip search unit? Things should work out much better for you there. Good luck!!!
To my friend the great legal warrior: Great job! But, come on, his cell is not his home. Ok fine, but it kind of is his "home" for the time that he is sentenced to live there. PS--how did you keep a straight face through voir dire? The questions the defense attorney was asking were too funny. I would have laughed my way through the entire thing!!! Why didn't you call me to come watch? I have nothing but time to kill at the office. It would have been the highlight of my month. Next time you are prosecuting an alleged masturbator, please think a little less about trial prep and a little more about entertaining your friends! Our Trial Ad prof and Clinic prof will be so proud of this accomplishment. I think I will send them both an e-mail right now so they can be proud sooner. Gotta run!
_________________________________________________________________
Jury convicts Broward inmate of indecent exposure in his cell
By Tonya Alanez South Florida Sun-Sentinel
July 26, 2007
The jailhouse deputy didn't bring the indecent exposure charge against the inmate until the third time he masturbated in front of her.That's what Deputy Coryus Veal told Broward County jurors Wednesday as they heard the state build its case against Terry Lee Alexander, 20.Every time he did it, he stared directly at her, said Veal, 45, a nearly nine-year veteran with the Broward Sheriff's Office and mother of a 19-month-old.
It was the deliberateness of the act that offended her, she said.Had he covered himself with a blanket, Veal said, "we wouldn't be here today."It took the four-man, two-woman jury about 45 minutes to reach a guilty verdict.The crux of deliberations was whether the jail was a public place, said juror David Sherman, a Fort Lauderdale science-fiction novelist.The jury concluded it was. "Limited access, to be sure," Sherman said, "but it's not a private place."Masturbation wasn't the issue, he said, but rather the manner in which it was done. "None of us had any problem with masturbation in private," Sherman said."It was about him exposing himself to her," said jury foreman Ed Welch, of Coral Springs.County Judge Fred Berman sentenced Alexander to 60 days in jail. He faced up to one year.Alexander was charged with indecent exposure Nov. 12 while in jail waiting to resolve an armed robbery case.He sat at the foot of his bunk alone in his cell. Veal could see Alexander, she said, from a glassed-in, centrally located control room with a direct view of inmates' cells."He was staring directly at me," she said. "I observed him long enough to recognize what he was doing and I looked away."She had looked away the first time, too, she said. That time, and the next time, he stood just outside his open cell door looking her way, she said. After the second incident, she had him moved to a cell where they could not see each other and issued this warning over the intercom: "You can do it in private where I will not be exposed to it."He soon ended up back in a more visible cell, she said.Alexander's court-appointed attorney, Kathleen McHugh, emphasized her client was 19 at the time and had been jailed for months."We're talking about a basic, innate need of all humans," McHugh said. "There's nothing shameful or vulgar about masturbation."She criticized Veal for choosing a job where she was bound to see such behavior, for construing Alexander's sexual impulses as all about her, and for being the only corrections deputy, male or female, to bring such charges against inmates.Veal has brought similar charges against eight inmates — including Alexander — from November to May. Of the seven other cases, three are pending, three have pleaded out and the state dismissed one."This is all about her," McHugh said. "Don't let this hypersensitive person define vulgar and indecent for you."She urged jurors to use "common sense" when defining a public place. "The general public is not permitted in his cell," McHugh said.Prosecutor Cynthia Lauriston countered that Alexander had no right to privacy in jail, his cell is not his home and a number of deputies, nurses, program specialists and visitors pass by the cells on any given day."We're not here to determine whether masturbation is right or wrong," she said. "We charged the defendant with exposing his sexual organs in public."Veal should not be subjected to Alexander's lewd behavior, she said. "She didn't sign up for this," Lauriston said. "It is not a part of her job. It's not expected."Twelve days after he was charged with indecent exposure, Alexander pleaded guilty to armed robbery and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. That sentence will begin after he completes the 60 days for the exposure conviction.Veal told jurors she recently asked for, and has been granted, a transfer. She did not specify her new assignment.
To the poor schmuck who was found guilty of exposing his sexual organs in public: you were wrongly convicted. Jail is not a public place. Last time I checked you had to do something bad to get in there. A person cannot just walk in from off the street, hang out and maybe grab a coffee. This case is easily appealable and I am volunteering to handle the appeal--this can be my pro bono case of the year, it will make my Mom proud!
To the dumb bitch prison guard who made a big deal out of the poor schmuck masturbating in prison: You are a fucking retard. Don't tell me that you are surprised people that people masturbate in jail. What else is there to do when you are locked up for a year??? You've been a prison guard for 9 years. Aren't you used to seeing activity like this yet? Better yet, didn't you engage in behavior worse than this before you found religion and were elevated to the oh-so-coveted position of prison guard? I bet back in the crack whore days you did some skanky shit.
FYI--as a judicial clerk a few years ago, I went on a tour of the Broward County Jail with other law students working in the courthouse that summer. While there we all saw a guy jacking off. Did we make a big deal about it?? NO!!!! And we were only there for an hour or 2. Was the guy probably doing it because we were all there staring at him like a caged animal? Probably. Was it directed towards us? Probably. Did we laugh it off? Yes! Listen prison guard lady, I know you are the proud mother of a 19-month-old. And you probably haven't had any sex in the last 19 months. But could you please relax? And I see you're recently been transferred. Where to? the strip search unit? Things should work out much better for you there. Good luck!!!
To my friend the great legal warrior: Great job! But, come on, his cell is not his home. Ok fine, but it kind of is his "home" for the time that he is sentenced to live there. PS--how did you keep a straight face through voir dire? The questions the defense attorney was asking were too funny. I would have laughed my way through the entire thing!!! Why didn't you call me to come watch? I have nothing but time to kill at the office. It would have been the highlight of my month. Next time you are prosecuting an alleged masturbator, please think a little less about trial prep and a little more about entertaining your friends! Our Trial Ad prof and Clinic prof will be so proud of this accomplishment. I think I will send them both an e-mail right now so they can be proud sooner. Gotta run!
_________________________________________________________________
Jury convicts Broward inmate of indecent exposure in his cell
By Tonya Alanez South Florida Sun-Sentinel
July 26, 2007
The jailhouse deputy didn't bring the indecent exposure charge against the inmate until the third time he masturbated in front of her.That's what Deputy Coryus Veal told Broward County jurors Wednesday as they heard the state build its case against Terry Lee Alexander, 20.Every time he did it, he stared directly at her, said Veal, 45, a nearly nine-year veteran with the Broward Sheriff's Office and mother of a 19-month-old.
It was the deliberateness of the act that offended her, she said.Had he covered himself with a blanket, Veal said, "we wouldn't be here today."It took the four-man, two-woman jury about 45 minutes to reach a guilty verdict.The crux of deliberations was whether the jail was a public place, said juror David Sherman, a Fort Lauderdale science-fiction novelist.The jury concluded it was. "Limited access, to be sure," Sherman said, "but it's not a private place."Masturbation wasn't the issue, he said, but rather the manner in which it was done. "None of us had any problem with masturbation in private," Sherman said."It was about him exposing himself to her," said jury foreman Ed Welch, of Coral Springs.County Judge Fred Berman sentenced Alexander to 60 days in jail. He faced up to one year.Alexander was charged with indecent exposure Nov. 12 while in jail waiting to resolve an armed robbery case.He sat at the foot of his bunk alone in his cell. Veal could see Alexander, she said, from a glassed-in, centrally located control room with a direct view of inmates' cells."He was staring directly at me," she said. "I observed him long enough to recognize what he was doing and I looked away."She had looked away the first time, too, she said. That time, and the next time, he stood just outside his open cell door looking her way, she said. After the second incident, she had him moved to a cell where they could not see each other and issued this warning over the intercom: "You can do it in private where I will not be exposed to it."He soon ended up back in a more visible cell, she said.Alexander's court-appointed attorney, Kathleen McHugh, emphasized her client was 19 at the time and had been jailed for months."We're talking about a basic, innate need of all humans," McHugh said. "There's nothing shameful or vulgar about masturbation."She criticized Veal for choosing a job where she was bound to see such behavior, for construing Alexander's sexual impulses as all about her, and for being the only corrections deputy, male or female, to bring such charges against inmates.Veal has brought similar charges against eight inmates — including Alexander — from November to May. Of the seven other cases, three are pending, three have pleaded out and the state dismissed one."This is all about her," McHugh said. "Don't let this hypersensitive person define vulgar and indecent for you."She urged jurors to use "common sense" when defining a public place. "The general public is not permitted in his cell," McHugh said.Prosecutor Cynthia Lauriston countered that Alexander had no right to privacy in jail, his cell is not his home and a number of deputies, nurses, program specialists and visitors pass by the cells on any given day."We're not here to determine whether masturbation is right or wrong," she said. "We charged the defendant with exposing his sexual organs in public."Veal should not be subjected to Alexander's lewd behavior, she said. "She didn't sign up for this," Lauriston said. "It is not a part of her job. It's not expected."Twelve days after he was charged with indecent exposure, Alexander pleaded guilty to armed robbery and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. That sentence will begin after he completes the 60 days for the exposure conviction.Veal told jurors she recently asked for, and has been granted, a transfer. She did not specify her new assignment.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Thank you
Normally I would never say thank you to a guy I no longer date, but I'm making an exception this time. Ok, so I started dating this guy a little over a month ago and decided that I was kind of into him. But since I became a lawyer and now have a "real job," I started skipping the gym more and more. So when I realized that I liked this guy, I started eating super healthy again and working out like crazy. You know, so I could feel good inside and out try to look good with my clothes off.
As some of you may know, I have no patience. Since I didn't notice any overnight weight loss, I started to complain to my friends. And, of course being the good friends that they are, I was told to be patient (because they know me too well) and stick with it. So I did.
After this weekend, the guy is no longer around. Now normally I would mope around the house and feel sorry for myself for days. But this time that feeling only lasted for about 2-4 hours. And here's why.....I looked into the mirror and finally noticed that the healthy eating and sweaty energy-draining workouts had worked. I actually noticed a difference! My old clothes began to fit me again!
And just so you think I'm not full of shit, I'm not the only one that noticed!
*July 22, 2007, 1:07 p.m.--my sister complimented my new physique (and I wasn't fishing for compliments, hadn't mentioned a thing about fitting into my clothes, and wasn't going to mention it)!!!
On Sunday when my sis came over I already felt great and was in a fantastic mood, but the compliment from her sent me over the edge. I am so sticking with the diet and exercise even if it is exhausting and leaves me waking up from hunger pains in the middle of the night. I am that much closer to my goal weight (which I will hopefully reach within a month), and I am motivated to continue being healthy again.
Being constantly hungry and exhausted from too much physical activity, torture.
Receiving unsolicited compliment from your sister that you look thin, PRICELESS!
Thanks A!
As some of you may know, I have no patience. Since I didn't notice any overnight weight loss, I started to complain to my friends. And, of course being the good friends that they are, I was told to be patient (because they know me too well) and stick with it. So I did.
After this weekend, the guy is no longer around. Now normally I would mope around the house and feel sorry for myself for days. But this time that feeling only lasted for about 2-4 hours. And here's why.....I looked into the mirror and finally noticed that the healthy eating and sweaty energy-draining workouts had worked. I actually noticed a difference! My old clothes began to fit me again!
And just so you think I'm not full of shit, I'm not the only one that noticed!
*July 22, 2007, 1:07 p.m.--my sister complimented my new physique (and I wasn't fishing for compliments, hadn't mentioned a thing about fitting into my clothes, and wasn't going to mention it)!!!
On Sunday when my sis came over I already felt great and was in a fantastic mood, but the compliment from her sent me over the edge. I am so sticking with the diet and exercise even if it is exhausting and leaves me waking up from hunger pains in the middle of the night. I am that much closer to my goal weight (which I will hopefully reach within a month), and I am motivated to continue being healthy again.
Being constantly hungry and exhausted from too much physical activity, torture.
Receiving unsolicited compliment from your sister that you look thin, PRICELESS!
Thanks A!
Hero of the day.....
The young lady in this picture is a hero. Yesterday she happened to find herself in a convenience store and noticed a gentleman in the store with this cute, loving, innocent and very small kitten. The man was described to me as a big, fat, greasy looking man. He was holding the kitten. He looked hungrily between the kitten and the hot dogs in the machine that turn around and around all day long. Clearly, the over-cooked hot dogs were not the man's first choice for lunch. The young woman ran toward the fat greasy man with one thing in mind......"Save the kitten!" And so she did. She plucked the appetizing feline from the hands of the fat greasy man just in time to save its life.
To the young lady in this picture---we salute you!
*this is a true story
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I am a professional.
Ok, so I decided to start this blog finally after much encouragement from a friend and an absence of work to do at the office.
Summertime in a small law office=nothing to do for the associate=I am bored out of my mind. I am not saying I have NOTHING to do, but I have very little to do. Actually I could probably get everything done for the entire week in a few hours. But then I'd really have nothing to do. So, I am just being productive in very small doses. And trying to decide if I should take a sick day sometime soon just so I don't have to come in.
I am really trying to get creative with how I spend my time. For example, I was going to go out and get a price on a window treatment for the new casa. But before I went out I called the store to see if they would be open. And what do you know? They were nice enough to give me a quote on the phone. Thanks guys. What I am I going to do with an extra hour now?????
Summertime in a small law office=nothing to do for the associate=I am bored out of my mind. I am not saying I have NOTHING to do, but I have very little to do. Actually I could probably get everything done for the entire week in a few hours. But then I'd really have nothing to do. So, I am just being productive in very small doses. And trying to decide if I should take a sick day sometime soon just so I don't have to come in.
I am really trying to get creative with how I spend my time. For example, I was going to go out and get a price on a window treatment for the new casa. But before I went out I called the store to see if they would be open. And what do you know? They were nice enough to give me a quote on the phone. Thanks guys. What I am I going to do with an extra hour now?????
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