My beautiful Helio

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking-news/story/929938.html

He is too pretty to go to prison. Save Helio!

An open letter to the creepy guy who keeps asking me out

Dear Weirdo,

You are a year older than my Dad. That's gross. You are neither handsome or rich. A combination of those two would have gotten you past the old age hurdle. You have written me several messages through my website that have all gone unanswered. Get a clue. When you tell me I am BEAUTIFUL IN ALL CAPS, it scares me. You have nothing to offer me. I finished dating someone like that and it sucks. You work at the good wine store by my house, which means I have to go there at off times, or not at all. Please get fired or quit your job so I don't have to see you anymore. I'm not going out with you so stop asking me and making it uncomfortable for everyone. Find someone your own age who is weird like you.

Very truly yours,

Curlatini, Esq.

PS-I will get a restraining order if I have to.

Holy crap!

I pray this NEVER happens to me......


http://www.10news.com/news/18569727/detail.html#-

Rock of Love Bus

OMG, here we go again with these hoochie mamas. This season, VH1 got the sluttiest bunch of hoes they could find, and I'm not kidding you about this. They are the most plumped, inflated, tattooed, make-up loving and education starved women ever.

Also, the genius executives at VH1 decided that the show would be even better if the girls dressed in teeny tiny lingerie for all of the challenges. I say teeny tiny because half of the shots are blurred because their size EEE breasts are popping out of their outfits.

As for the tattoos, one chick has an entire arm filled with "ink," including a Hello Kitty tat. I'm sure that will look very nice when you are dropping your kids off at school, when you are holding your new grandchild in the hospital, and at the nursing home, if she ever gets there.

Bad judgment anyone?

Guy question

Hi all, so quick question. Why is it that guys ask you on a date by saying "i forgot my lunch, maybe if you did too, we can eat together?" Honestly, it might makes some girls feel like crap that the only reason thay are being asked out is because the other person "forgot their lunch." Please guys, get some balls and just ask someone out without thinking they don't care about you because they might. I guess it's just a lack of self confidence. I'm sure that happens to me sometimes, but I never really remember it.

Aretha's bad taste

In case you didn't already know that money doesn't bring good taste, please view this picture of of Aretha Franklin, who I have previously mentioned as "Ursula," from the Little Mermaid, which she actually is.

To be quite honest, this outfit is a step up from her norm because because she had to cover up. It was, what, 15 degrees out? Girlfriend had to keep covered. So, instead of showing people how massiver her body is, and breasts in particular, she showed everyone how big a hat she could wear. Go you, Aretha. I REALLY prefer this look over the other, but might I suggest a stylist, or lt least a look that will blend into the background. Just a suggestion.

Are you Fing kidding me?????

Hi all. I'm a little annoyed with the Kennedys.



Ok, here's the link, and thanks for reading the rest of the post:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/22/nyregion/22caroline.html?_r=1&hp

Caroline, just because your Dad was president doesn't mean that you're destined for politics as well. What do you do exactly?

I know the Kennedys to be famous for the following: being drunks, being drug addicts, allowing people to die from their negligence, being sex addicts, cheating on their wives, failing the bar exam numerous times, and being killed in freak instances.

Do you see how politics was not included in that list? So, please refer to the list and focus on those items, except for getting killed, that wouldn't be very nice of me, now would it?

Another ethics question

This question has to do with an anorexic girl that goes to my gym. This is the question: does the gym have any social responsibility with respect to this girl? I mean, she's really skinny, like 80 pounds skinny. And she's at the gym ALL THE TIME! And everyone is always staring at her, you know, on account of her being so skeletal. Doesn't the gym have some responsibility to say, um, hi, we are kind of concerned because you are so skinny and work out 5 hours a day. Is there some way we can help you? I kind of think it makes the gym look bad too on account of the anorexic girl being there all the time.

Any thoughts?

ethics question

Is it wrong if I secretly hope that my neighbor's dog, which wakes me up early nearly every day, gets hit by a car and dies? Or would it be better to hope that he dies spontaneously of natural causes? And is it wrong to hope that the birds that chirp every morning get eaten by one of the neighborhood cats? I mean, the bird thing actually can count as evolution, right?